I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
nutella sex= disaster
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
