we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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