He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
