She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize