All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
