I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
