is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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