Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
