i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
