It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
