It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
