Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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