I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
