she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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