Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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