My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
