We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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