...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
