wat bout pragnant strippers??
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
