Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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