just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
