I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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