I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
