i just made my gag reflex go away.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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