Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
