now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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