Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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