I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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