Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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