I hate your face
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
