you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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