My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
