im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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