She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
