I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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