what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
