The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
