How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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