totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
