I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
