I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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