2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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