If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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