dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
