the condom got lost in my hair
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
