But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
