Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
