She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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