when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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