i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
