he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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