New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed