you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
