it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president