Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.

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(989): View more from Michigan

We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.

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(850): View more from Florida

He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do

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(713): View more from Texas

That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.

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(817): View more from Texas

If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest

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