Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
