i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.