Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla