guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
