I think my fart just growled at me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
