I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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