Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
