im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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