Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
