I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
