the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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