took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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