What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm at about main and main street
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
