I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
