just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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