i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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