she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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