She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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