My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
