her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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