Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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