in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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