The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
