You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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