If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
