Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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