He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize