it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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