the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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