the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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