when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
