you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
