also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
