Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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