i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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