I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
