We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
