What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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