I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Enjoy the penises
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
