My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
