im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
