I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I could make wine with my vomit
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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