i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
