is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You made out with two different species that night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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